Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
What drink are we having for lunch?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize