oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The Olympian is in my bed
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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