I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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