is your mom at the bar?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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