I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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