I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize