My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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