dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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