hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
