Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
