I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
