Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
