i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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