I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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