I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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