yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
