Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
