a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
