I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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