R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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