is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
