it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
