we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Randomize
