Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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