He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
My feet surprised me
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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