final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize