My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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