Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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