Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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