my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
