i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
