i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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