but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
