New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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