He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
