I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
