8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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