am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize