Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
