I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
