soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
