Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
