I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
