theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm always down for nudity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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