So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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