there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
