god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
