wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
