I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
