dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
