If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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