My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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