He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
