I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
