I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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