well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize