Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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