Operation Purity has been aborted
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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