Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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