Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize