apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize