he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize