I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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