her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
