I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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